Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
