I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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