Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
