So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
