I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
