when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
birth control should be required to get into college
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
