There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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