Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
