We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
