He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
