ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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