Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
