Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
