he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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