your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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