is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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