Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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