i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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