I don't think brook has ever known best
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
