it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
