Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
