he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
