I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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