whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize