Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
