I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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