i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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