just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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