What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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