some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
