so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
