she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
