I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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