I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
