i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Houston, we have a blender
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
