ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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