shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
