Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
