Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
