I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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