I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
