I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it glows. i had to have it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
