sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
