I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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