So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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