Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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