the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
