I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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