I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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