she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
