oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
