Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
